Invisible Disappointment

Yesterday evening it was, when our company recognised employees with awards for the last 2 quarters. As our team had won the Best Team award last time around, guys were very confident of defending it successfully. But, I always felt that we wouldn't defend our award and it happened that way. Still, I personally feel that we, as a team, have done a few million times better than what we did last time. Still, the award has eluded us. The closest our team came this time was when we were in the last four nominee list of teams. Another small consolation is when our CEO mentioned that it was very difficult to leave out our team.

Surprise, Surprise - in the Best Manager category, two names were shortlisted and I would be dishonest if I say that I wasn't delighted to see my photo and name flashed on the big screen. But, (un)fortunately the other person won the coveted award.

I still feel that I went to the ceremony without expecting anything. But, when I rode back home, I started to have the empty feeling. Is it because of not being able to defend a title or is it because of seeing another person win a personal award from the closest possible position or have I let my team down? The mind would have a few equations for the next few days after which I would forget and get along with the normal routine. Should I say that I have expected something without even knowing it and hence the disappointment?

Finally, the satisfactory bit was the Best Employee awards for two of my team members - exactly as I had nominated.